A Broken Vessel; A Broken Life

Picture the setting:  Jesus has been invited to dinner.  This, however, is not just another meal.  Jesus is invited to the home of a respected and important man in the community - a man that many seek association with.  He is a man with many friends and whom many desire to befriend or at least be seen.  His influence reaches deep from politics to business to matters of faith and all know his name.  He is a Pharisee, guardian of the Mosaic Law and scholar of the scriptures.  His name is Simon and he desires to dine with this carpenter of unremarkable demeanor from an unremarkable town whose name is being spoken throughout the region. 

 

Simon intends find out who this Y'shua is.  He is pleased the invitation has been accepted as this will prove, if nothing else, an interesting encounter.  Honored friends and leaders are assembled in his home, each searching a better grasp of the man rumored to be a teacher sent from God.  In this environment of food and entertainments, Jesus reclines to converse with his host.  Servants move in and among those gathered, conversation is engaged on numerous topics and in the commotion, a lone figure edges along the wall unseen and disregarded.

 

She is out of place here among the social elite.  In a room filled with those associated with the pursuit of God, she is filled with the regrets of a reprobate existence.  Innocence was cast aside long ago as choices became habits and worth evaporated with each abuse of self by herself and others.  She too is known in the community, though her prominence is of a different nature.  For this reason, she keeps to the shadows, hood drawn, head low, hair obscuring her face.  Her heart races as she nears the young teacher.  Nervous fingers rub the cool porous surface of the jar nearly causing it to slide from her trembling hand has she approaches from behind.  Sensing a presence, he turns as do others.  Immediately in their faces she notes shock, recognition, disdain.  What is she doing here?  Who let her in?  Nauseating regret begins to steal her strength, and causes her to doubt her actions.  Fear knots in her stomach and legs weaken as she glances from one stern face to another.  Then she looks at him and sees only

 

...acceptance.

...forgiveness.

...love.

 

In his face, there is no scorn, there is no judgement.  Her knees give way at his feet and she begins to weep.  Raising her hands to her face she remembers the jar.

 

"One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to have dinner with him, so Jesus went to his home and sat down to eat.  When a certain immoral woman from that city heard he was eating there, she brought a beautiful alabaster jar filled with expensive perfume.  Then she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them."

Luke 7:36-38 NLT

 

In a not too distant setting in a not too distant home he sits.  Again a meal is occurring.  Another man named Simon is the host and he too is known in his community.  This man, however is not a scholar, but rather a recipient.  Like Simon the Pharisee, this is a man of titles; titles that have gained him renown throughout his community.  This man previously carried a title that caused others to avoid his presence and give wide berth when walked through the streets.  Fading into the nothing, his life was erased as he was judged not by his actions, relationships, or his heritage, but solely upon one single factor that ultimately cast him out of contemporary society to walk in the land of the abandoned.   This man was formerly known as 'Simon the Leper', yet he is the recipient of God's restorative healing touch and is known as 'leper' no more.  He has been given a new title.  Now he is known as 'Simon, the walking evidence of God's grace and healing power'.

 

Jesus, surrounded by his disciples, enjoys fellowship and camaraderie with a man who seeks to honor the one who healed and brought a new lease on life.  One can imagine the mirth, one can picture the release of road weariness and a simple enjoyment of companionship as bread is broken, company is enjoyed, and good food and drink are relished.

 

Again a woman steps forth, alabaster in hand.  A room is silenced.  A vessel is broken.  A lamb is anointed.

 

"Meanwhile, Jesus was in Bethany at the home of Simon, a man who had previously had leprosy. While he was eating, a woman came in with a beautiful alabaster jar of expensive perfume made from essence of nard. She broke open the jar and poured the perfume over his head."

Mark 14:3

 

In both of these examples we see acts of brokenness.  One broke a vessel in an act of deep and costly sacrificial worship.  In the other we see an individual who was the broken vessel in an act of deep and costly worship.  Where one spent an enormous sum, a year's wages, on a small jar - probably all she had, another gave all she had of self in addition.  In both, we see our Savior's response - total acceptance in the reciprocation of love.  In no manner is there ever a comparative of worthiness to approach.  In fact, we see the opposite in effect as an individual morally corrupt and broken to desperation, undertakes a single act of beauty that outshines the gifts, the meals, the hosannas, and the cheers of the multitudes who regularly crowded around and followed Him as he tread this earth.

 

Yet, as is too often typical to the environment of the sanctified, devout, and the chaste these acts were met with harsh criticism - these women were met with judgement, critique of motive, doubt of sincerity. 

 

"If he were truly from God he would know who is touching him - he would know her story!"

 

"What a waste - a poor use of resources!"

 

"The money that could have been used to help the needy and the sick!"

 

"What we could have done for the Kingdom if they would have consulted us first!"

 

Do any of these still resound today?

 

Yet all of these rebukes were silenced by him.  Of those in the room who had the right or moral authority to sit in judgement over these offerings and the women who made them, it was he, yet his only rebuke was against those who sat in judgement.  Of the numerous individuals surrounding him in both scenarios - the individuals who touched his core, who truly drew his attention were two women with hearts broken and humbled before their Lord.

 

A naked encounter with this Savior still leaves one broken.  It destroys all defenses that cover the crumbling ruins of failed lives. The blinders are off and we see the futility of our strivings for peace, strivings for security, happiness, strivings for worth. We see the tragedy that is humanity searching for purpose without its Creator. It is in this context, we are finally able to look past ourselves and see the nature of limitless love and life beyond this sphere that a Savior laid down his very own self to redeem us into. He allowed himself to be broken upon our sin and death so that we might be restored into his family - blameless before the Eternal Holy God forever. 

 

And He is not interested in bringing only the whole or the worthy into his family, those who have rarely if ever sidestepped.  There are no "deserving" and "undeserving" in the Kingdom of God for those who will receive him.  The truth is, Jesus never searches out the worthy or the perfected, he perfects and makes worthy those he searches out.  The author of Romans quotes Hosea stating:

 

"Hosea put it well:

I’ll call nobodies and make them somebodies;
I’ll call the unloved and make them beloved.
In the place where they yelled out, “You’re nobody!”
they’re calling you “God’s living children.”

Romans 9:25 MSG

And this message is being proclaimed throughout the planes of existence, throughout the heavens where angels soar to the hells where demons wail.  "God's living children!"  And we will forever be known as such.  We have been freed from ruin, despair, and eternal death to live in the light and grace of his works and love in our lives.  Further, we are privileged to share in his work in others' lives as we become living tools for the continued building of this ever-growing family.  He is not interested in accomplishments, or boasts of numbers and weekly figures.  He is interested in encounters, relationships, and life changing testimonies as hell is daily encroached by the transformation of lives through his contagious love - for he is called Love.

But to accomplish this, we must approach with a heart ready for transformation.  This doesn't readily occur when we're certain we have everything in place.  It is not complimentary to the state of self sufficiency that often is paired with our successes, when life is working in our favor and all is going "according to plan".  Rather, this often occurs in our dark hours, in the valleys, forests, and storms of our lives when we are fully exposed and searching his heart, his direction.  It is here we approach in greatest humility, seeking nothing but his will for our lives.  And in this state, he can most effectively take us to greatest heights, achieve greatest purpose, enter into deepest relationship - but not before we are willing to become a broken vessel; not before we are willing to offer a broken life.





 

Raising the Blade

It hit me like a wave of despair.  I was learning of events that were terrible and tragic, events that I wished nothing to do with.  On the surface this seems a tremendously selfish and awful statement.   Yet to embroil myself, to entangle our family would be to jeopardize a peace and a final sense of well-being that we had sore been missing - a tranquility that had been eluding us for over five years.  My gut reaction:  to protect, to shelter, to screen my household from an unwelcome intrusion upon our safety and security.

God's blessings have recently overwhelmed us in remarkable fashion (see here).  This problem belonging to others, if embraced, threatened to upset the ordered and balanced state of our home for years to come.  My bride and I needed rest, needed a break.  Recent years have proven a grueling journey and of late I've been feeling like I've earned a respite, a bit of a time out on the sidelines to rejuvenate.  Further, the amazing blessing of our home has created a sanctuary for us that I have come to personally treasure.  For the first time in time unaccounted I long for no other place than with my children and bride in the presence of our home.  It has become my reprieve from a rapid paced world, my daily hiatus from external pressures and demands.  In my home I find rest and peace of mind.  Even in working around my home, my soul is refreshed.

And now the rumble of storm clouds on the horizon left me cringing for what might be...
I promised myself I would pray for those involved. 

His mind was reeling from the absurdity of it all, yet he knew with certainty what was being asked.  He knew the ageless voice that was asking.  All he could do was trust.  Trust in a God who had promised.  Trust in a God who had never failed.  Trust in a God who had spoken into the deep of his heart as he pondered the stars in the depths of their sanctuary.  Yet trust had limits didn't it?  Surely there was another way.  Yet none had been offered - simply the repeated command.  Sacrifice. 

He told the servants they would return, half hoping for the truth of this statement, half pleading silently for an alternate course.  Yet none had been given and the weight of what was required laid heavy upon him.

Gently he laid the bound child, the sticks and tender. 
"Daddy - it hurts!" his son cried.
"I know son - it will not last long."
Tears welled as he pondered the purity of innocence laying before him - the future that was going to be extinguished by his own hand.
His heart tore as he realized with finality there was no alternative - this was the price of relationship.
Covering his beloved boy's face Abraham raised the blade...

Picture yourself in the darkest of moments being called upon to perform such an act against your own beloved child - to extinguish the spark of life, the joy of your heart.  Often we've read this passage from Genesis 22 and often we've listened to the foreshadowing comparatives of Jesus, but place foot in shoe as the "father of faith" was taken to the edge of his by the Omniscient. 

A promise was given, but a future was asked of him.  Blessing was bestowed, but a life was required.  This passage shows that the One who blesses and promises is not interested in our short term comfort or our temporal pleasure at the cost of our eternal worth or effectiveness in His Kingdom.  This is a harsh reality that many will close hearts and minds to.  At times, I have.

How often have we made our homes, our habitats, our resting place, our escape in place of a Savior who has stated:

"Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."
Matt 11:28

Has our trust, our security become the calm of domus or faith in well constructed plans rather than the Rock upon which we build.

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."
Isaiah 26:3

Then a whispered word levels all excuses and drives to repentance all who would withhold self for fear of intrusion into their balanced natural order:

"Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it's in your power to help them. If you can help your neighbor now, don't say "come back tomorrow, and then I'll help you."
Proverbs 3:27 - 28

This passage is just a few verses under my bride's life verses of Proverbs 3:5 and 6:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

In our fear of the unknown future do we begin to trust in the provision, rather than in the one who provides?  In this state, a protecting of self, of status quo, of safe living is harboured in the heart.  In this state, we are less willing to recklessly love, to engage without restriction the damaged and broken around us.  Everything is going well, we state that we are "blessed", bills are paid, needs are met, plans are on course.  Our utopias seem to be in sync with God's provision and we couldn't be happier - yet we find we aren't really living sacrificially.  Shouldn't the question arise that a Lord who spared nothing of himself and ask the same of his followers,  a Lord who states "owe nothing but to love" but then defines love as "laying down your life" - doesn't this beg the comparative between His true intent and our relatively risk free existence? 

When we find ourselves in this state we, like Abraham, will very often find ourselves at a crossroads where sacrifice is spoken into our hearts and a decision must be made.  Will we willingly name Him Lord over everything in our lives and be content if He truly does require it to bring us into a deeper eternal walk with Him or will we draw back and hold onto our known versions of security, our temporal definitions of prosperity?  This is a question that each of us must put to test on some level in each of our lives for there will always be areas or people that we cherish above all - even sometimes above Him.  It is in those times that we may find ourselves called to ultimate sacrifice in order to step into deeper eternal relationship and growth.  When that time comes, will you be willing to raise the blade?

Hidden Gems

Frustrated and feeling just a smidgen of despair I approached my bride with the bad news.  "The washer's broke".  "What's wrong with it?", she asked.  "The stator assembly mounting to the rotor harness is bad", I quoted from the online tutorial.  Neither of us knew what this meant.  What we did know was that we had a non-functional washer and the domestic handyman couldn't fix it. 

This would be bad news on any day but on a laundry day after unpacking with mountains of clothing that comprised the majority of our garments and being the major task item on our to-do-list for the day, this was unwelcome news of the highest order.  We both realized evening plans of an outdoor concert and fellowship with friends had just melted away before our eyes.  Our afternoon and evening, instead, would be comprised of an encounter with an old nemesis - the laundry mat.

I've never liked the laundry mat.  Early in our marriage before we could afford a washer and dryer the laundry mat was a weekly excursion to be endured.  The only thing bearable about it then was being with my young spouse and playing cards, eating Chinese food, etc.  In latter years, we visited seldom, for the same reasons we were doing so this day - equipment malfunction.  People generally seem unhappy at the laundry mat.  Concerns seem to weigh every person down as they are intently focused on a territorial game of Risk where the prize is to score adjacent rows of washers or dryers, or a prized area to fold clothing, a comfortable chair, or even a wheeled cart to empty their machine.  Dark gazes frequent the laundry mat and I find looking people in the eye usually yields a suspicious and quickly averted gaze.

Enter children.  Always an interesting variable as nothing tests a child's resolve for good behavior than waiting for hours in a hot room with nothing to do.  Thankfully we had an iPad for movies (oh to have had those when I was a child), Barbie dolls, and coloring books and prayed this would occupy.  We loaded the van to capacity with our baskets of clothing and set off.

Upon arriving we were fortunate to quickly find the machines we needed.  As we carried our clothes in I immediately took note of a man standing over the free coffee pot watching us.  Some people occasionally glanced up at the commotion of a family of five making multiple trips but this man gazed intently.  My bride found a corner with some seating for the children and got them settled as I helped her load machines.  It quickly became evident to me that there was something different about the man eyeing us.  He was about 15 feet from my children's seating area so I kept glancing back at them to make sure they were seated, behaving, and were safe. 

For children, one of the few fascinating things about a laundry mat is the number of slots in which you can place coins.  Machines everywhere will take your bills and convert them to coins.  Some will even convert larger denominations of coins to smaller ones.  Our daughter found this irresistible and kept getting up to ask us to help plug the machines.  After about four times of this I finally had to walk her back to her seat.

"IT'S GOOD FOR KIDS TO OBEY!" came a voice behind me.  I turned to face the man who had been eyeing us earlier.  "I CAN'T STOP AGING.  I'M 62.  IT'S GOOD FOR YOUR KIDS TO OBEY.  YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING RIGHT!"

I thanked the man.  As he spoke I noted spit would dribble down his stubbled chin onto his shirt.  He had an intense stare in his steel blue eyes but upon looking at him I could see less a threat and more a desire for interaction.  My bride came and sat next the kids and began to speak with him and for the next half an hour we conversed on everything from the mowing of lawns, which churches we attended, and repeatedly, the topic of aging.  Finally he introduced himself as "Joseph" and left us to cross the room to fold clothes.

Our own machines were finishing and as my bride and I went to empty them, we left the children playing on the iPad.  This drew the attention of a couple of other girls who soon had it in their hands.   I was a bit wary of this so I worked my way over and suggested they select a movie to watch.  One of the first selections was one that our littles are not permitted to see so I offered a different title and our eldest oversaw the equitable "voting" on which title was selected.

Within minutes a woman came up to us and began to apologize for her daughters.  She was concerned they had behaved poorly in trying to get our children to watch inappropriate material.  She was eloquent and sincerely troubled that we would be bothered by the intrusion.  She wanted to make sure her daughters were not a bad influence on our children and apologized if they were creating any problems.  We were taken aback.  We thanked her and assured her otherwise and were amazed at her gracefulness and candor.  My bride shared how grateful we were that they were here and how well behaved her daughters were.  She immediately beamed with pride.  My bride encouraged her to please let her daughters continue to watch with our children as they were enjoying their time together.  The woman's entire demeanor seemed to shift as she returned to her task at hand.

Shortly after the dryers began to finish and we had the serious task of folding ahead of us.  This was probably why there were so many stern faces because this was the work of the event.  My bride is a pro and she flew through the loads.  I clumsily attempted to keep pace as we sprawled our items across two tables and had multiple bins arranged in between.  We attempted to stay out of the way as much as possible but this is an impossibility in a laundry mat on a Saturday.  One woman squeezed past us to get to a dryer and we apologized.  At first she only smiled slightly but as she had to squeeze past again, and we apologized again, and then she had to squeeze past to get to the soap dispensers, and we apologized again - it became apparent we were going be performing this dance for the long haul. 

"At least you got you some good help!  Mine's off fishing."  Her face began to lighten.  "You hold on to that one!" she said to my bride with a crooked smile.

We were both amused.  In the dialogue that followed we learned that this young thin woman was actually getting married in only a week, was mother to five adult children, and was hurrying to get all of her laundry done so she could entertain house guests for the week ahead.  Wedding details were discussed and she beamed with pride as she relayed information about her children and her family.

"I'm hidin' the towels or my own kids'll come over and use'em all up before my relatives arrive.  Make'm do their own laundry - that's what I say!"  We were growing to like this woman immensely with her infectious smile.  It was evident that though we knew very little of her, she had walked a life with difficulties and prevailed a bit rough and toughened for it, but honest - speaking her mind into every situation. 

As we finished folding our items, putting the last of them into our baskets and collecting our items.  We said goodbye to our new acquaintance and congratulated her.  But before we could get out of the door, "Joseph" approached again.  "I NEED TO KNOW, DO YOU KNOW JESUS?"  We expressed that we certainly did which brought a look of relief to his face.  He told us again that he would be mowing tomorrow and said goodbye. 

We left that place filled with an enjoyment and thankfulness for the hours we had just spent.  In a circumstance that should have brought despair, drudgery and aggravation we had somehow been able to delight in people.  For me, the key was following my bride's lead as she simply showed grace and love to those either not looking for or not expecting either.

A man with spit running down his chin that most everyone in the building was attempting to avoid, became our friend Joseph - who in the end, came back to make sure we knew Jesus before he left.

A woman, concerned for the behavior of her children, able to relax for a period of time and take pride that she was raising them to behave properly and to let them enjoy themselves.

Another woman, able to share her joys and offer her wisdom to strangers without judgement or repercussion, without criticism and able to break from life long enough to share family and laugh.

These are the people God brings into our path daily when we are willing to walk out his love and grace towards others regardless the circumstances circulating our lives.  I have no doubt each meeting that day was a divine appointment, for reasons I cannot guess - possibly if nothing else than to teach that when we are open to walking in our Savior's footsteps, when we are willing to serve as he served, lay our selves down as he did, and love as he loved, - when we are willing to extend grace to the one with grim face or furrowed brow instead of mirroring a similar countenance, it is then that we discover we are surrounded by opportunities to be Christ to a desperate world. 

And these opportunities are the hidden gems worth searching for.

When "Thank You" Isn't Enough

 

Have you ever been overwhelmed by gratitude?  Have you ever been gifted with something so remarkable you could find no words to thank the giver(s)?  Have you ever been accorded favor or grace so overwhelming that it was beyond your reasoning to imagine how to repay in kind? 

Many who know our family can well imagine this is precisely where we are currently walking and they would be right.  (For those unfamiliar, click here.)The grace, love, and overwhelming kindness recently shown is staggering to our minds.  Our senses are still daily reeling from the effort exerted to repair issues of varying severity to the structure and safety of our home.  These repairs have restored health, serenity, and redefined our future in ways we could not have previously foreseen; casting aside our limited scope of planning and enlarging the potential of this home's effectiveness as the ministry tool we have always viewed it to be.  But in this, I am struggling.  I am struggling with self.

This blessing of incalculable magnitude has placed us in unfamiliar territory.   Very simply, we are the recipients of the surrounding love and grace of others for no other reason than to be the body of Christ to us.  Many who were friends and acquaintances overwhelmed us with their generosity.  Many did not know us personally and many did not even know our names, but they came and gave of their time, efforts, resources, and the sweat of their brow to serve this family.  Where we would gladly leap at the opportunity to help others, we suddenly found ourselves facing a tidal wave of outreach that seemed unreal and improbable.

This is not a statement of preferred, isolation,  bravado, or a cavalier "John Wayne" manner of living that was sought out.  Very simply, our path and our journey as we have endeavored to pursue God's calling on our lives has often led us into unfamiliar and often very lonely territories.  Our constant was our God and his promise to never leave or forsake.  People often have, but He held us firm.  Family, both biological and church, have walked away.  Friends have distanced, but our Lord has always been close, always been faithful, always provided our needs through the deepest of valleys, always been faithful to his word.  A sole reliance on God and self develops in this environment and as compassion is studied and taken to heart, a lifestyle of seeking to serve others would rarely if ever expect others to reciprocate, let alone envelope in grace and love. 

And now my foundations have been shaken.  I desire to look each and every individual in the eye that had anything to do with the blessings that overwhelmed us and whole heartedly thank them.  But this doesn't seem enough.  The previously mentioned self-reliance in me wants to reciprocate to each of them, pay back in full and show my deepest appreciation by doing in kind what each has done for me.  Yet I am left with the reality that this is an impossibility.  My early mornings find me enjoying a newly defined resting area perfected for meditation on the Word and prayer.  Upon returning home from work, I find myself stepping into a work of love and grace and defined order.  An entire ocean of gratitude seems insufficient....In fact, I've been wrestling deeply with the subjects of gratitude and grace ever since.

It is here that God gave me the following;  Would any of us try to pay Jesus back for the gift of salvation?  Could any of us attempt to reciprocate to God for giving eternal life?  Do we truly understand the depth or the magnitude of this greatest of offerings of all time?  If so, should not thanksgiving continually be on our lips?  Yet picture the absurdity of any of us struggling with the guilt of "not being able to pay God back".  Here we begin to recognize the very definition of grace as defined in Ephesians.

He did this that He might clearly demonstrate through the ages to come the immeasurable, limitless, surpassing riches of His free grace; His unmerited favor in His kindness and goodness of heart toward us in Christ Jesus.  For it is by free grace, God’s unmerited favor, that you are saved, delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ’s salvation, through [your] faith. And this salvation is not of yourselves, of your own doing, it came not through your own striving, but it is the gift of God;
Ephesians 2:7,8

God's relationship with us is not defined by our ability to thank him or repay him for his works in our lives.  Yet how often do we define our relationships with each other in this manner if we are truly honest?  I can honestly say I have may not have shied away from others based on their needs or the cost to myself, but I have on occasion based upon my own needs and my potential liability for indebted gratitude to others.  And yet we all are admonished

"Owe nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another. If you love your neighbor, you will fulfill the requirements of God’s law."
Romans 13:8 NLT

And this love moves to action towards its neighbor.  It causes a family to abandon the comforts of this American existence to minister in Guatemala.  It moves hearts to partner with families on a Swazi mountainside to bring healing, education, and (most importantly) the Word of God.  It partners with and supports those pursuing God's calling to minister to the fatherless and the orphan.  It even rebuilt the home of this family, but more importantly rebuilt our hearts. 

No mere verbalization can encapsulate it.  It is action in motion and requires likewise.  The problem with the traditional view of gratitude in general is that we very often view it as a static or one time occurrence.  When there is no chance of ever being able to repay the giver however, when grace occurs in such overwhelming magnitude that we are unable to barter for reciprocation, we are compelled to something greater.  We are driven to live for something beyond ourselves. 

We will all spend the oceans of eternity either acknowledging through praise and thanksgiving the worthiness and indescribable splendor of our God or lamenting our refusal to do so.  What this blessing has taught me is that sometimes living beyond yourself to search out grace and love towards others is the greatest praise to a mighty God when "thank you" isn't enough.