The Cost of a Child

Court; a dreaded word for my bride and I.  It has become a regular visitor on our life's calendar that brings with it frustration, and often tears.  We are foster-parents and court is a necessary part of the journey in healing families and children who have been taken from parents. 

Regardless of the love and nurturing hearts of any foster-family, my bride and I have discovered that we are, in the court's eyes, "care-givers" - nothing more.  It is deemed that attorneys know better what is in the children's best interests, what their needs are and how to best fulfill those needs rather than the ones who live with these children 24 hours a day.  Inestimable hours have been spent in phone conversations with counselors, health professionals, case workers and their supervisors - all on behalf of the children and their welfare.  There exists a polarization of professional opinions and we find ourselves living our own lives by committee fighting for common sense to rule out.  Nothing can be done on behalf of these young ones without a myriad of individual agencies reviewing and voicing input. 

This is is the price for those who would foster-parent or adopt children who have suffered abuse and trauma.

This is also a path we have consciously chosen.  Our greatest reward in this journey, our greatest vindication will be to watch two small children grow to maturity with the knowledge that they are loved, that they possess worth, and that they can accomplish anything they set their minds and wills to.  If we have nothing more than a season to instill this, then we will pray over seed sown and a full harvest in hearts and minds.  Should it become something more permanent, then we will endeavor to raise up the next Godly generation.  Regardless, there is a cost - yet this cost is rarely discussed freely or openly.  Private people endure private pain.  When engaging conversation, so very often our trials and heartaches remain hidden.  After all, who wants to walk around with their emotions on their sleeve even if strength for the next day seems an impossibility?  So adoptive and foster families keep their struggles to themselves.  Many walk with a knowing light in our eyes, often able to relate, but rarely willing to share to the uninitiated.

I tire of the notion that we have to lure, beg or somehow trick people into being interested in orphan care and adoption by avoiding the realities of the journey.  The truth is it will cost you.  It will be difficult.  Yes it will be the most stretching, taxing endeavor you've ever embarked upon.  There are rewards and joys in the journey, but here is the bottom line:  you will not remain unaltered or undamaged.  As you confront stratified systems and the injustices of others, as you witness hell's carnage in small lives you will weep. 

But far, far more importantly - it's God's heart.  It's that simple.  His passion for the fatherless is the only means by which any of us can hope to see His face and avoid damnation with a host of fallen angelic insurrectionists.  His passion for the fatherless is the love that causes Him to pursue you - the fatherless.  Adoption is His cosmic model.  How often have we prayed to emulate His character, his persona in our lives?  For those who have embarked upon this journey to love the fatherless, the will and the heart of the Father have been revealed and fuels the energies and passions.

Further, ponder this:  When you commit yourself to the fatherless, when you foster-parent, when you adopt that child who has witnessed hell, abandonment, uncertain days - you will pay for someone else's misdeeds.  You will pay the price for their crimes against the innocent.  The price may be minor as in night terrors, bed-wetting, clinging, and constant interruptions to sleep for security's sake.  It may be more severe with emotional and psychological disconnect, tantrums, physical or cognitive delays requiring specialists, physicians, counselors, and psychologists.  No matter the severity - you will bear the burden of another's sins. 

Is this fair?  No, it is certainly most unfair and this child has known little of "fair" in their brief years.  But before you despair or back away indicating "not-for-me" you should remember: there is One who paid the ultimate price unfairly.  Like the foster or adoptive parent, the One who paid for these crimes didn't deserve what was placed upon Him.  None-the-less, His payment secured a life and a new start, a second chance...a thousandth chance if needed... for a new family of sons and daughters. 

And it's a broken family, a messed up family.  This "mixed" family has imperfect people of all colors, sizes and demeanors in it.  Some in this family get along with each other and some still have yet to learn the lessons of selfless love.  But each calls upon a Father who loves them infinitely.  His most favoured Son paid dearly for the crimes of others to bring brothers and sisters into the Father's family.  But with a gaze of penetrating compassion the Son looks to us and says:

"If anyone desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself, disregard, lose sight of, and forget himself and his own interests and take up his cross and follow Me, cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying, also".
Matthew 16:24 AMP

 This is the cost of a child.

Serving a Dead God

Sunday morning alter call. An invitation is made, earnest prayers are offered. When response occurs, salvation ensues and a miracle takes place that very often escapes the natural senses and is thereby diminished in many minds for the truth of its grandeur; an event that causes Heaven itself to pause in celebration and angels to erupt in praise. Eternal death and separation is purged and eternal life bursts forth transforming the spirit.  For us so often bound by a handful of sensory perceptions, minutes pass as platform music ceases and we await an exit prayer to resume the remainder of our day.

Or perhaps no one responds and the question is simply "how many know Him as Lord?" Often hands are raised, not in celebration or in exuberant ownership of adoption into His eternal living family, but rather out of an obligatory response where we'd prefer not to be perceived as having problems in our faith-walk. (Litmus test - try keeping your hand down next time the question is posed and witness where your pride takes you.)

Mid-week; is He in your car on the way home? In your office, next to you while you hold the tools of your trade, or firmly in your thoughts as move through your day with children in tow? Where is your God? Do you feel his presence at all?  Or do you have Him neatly compartmentalized in morning quiet times, evening meal prayers, and bedtime devotions? Surrounded by people passing through this plane towards eternity, do you walk through your days in mental isolation as you formulate plans, tasks, conversations and correspondences?  Do you move through your days until it is time to pull the covers in darkness only to repeat the process again?  Where is your God?

To the external observer, is He alive in you and through you or is He a ritual, a rite of afterlife salvation that is practiced with regularity to avoid hellfire?  Church attendance, charitable works, contributions, and even a reigning in of your tongue all noted by others - you have become yet another devout follower of religion. The world has many with little power to transform or rise above the chains that shackle the flesh.

Or does your God revolutionize the way you touch your world, walk through it, relate to those within it? Does He empower you to move beyond your own limitations and strengths into something far beyond you, your flesh and your capabilities? Do you walk in joy when hell is erupting around you? Are you capable of reaching out to others when wave after wave washes against your foundations, trying to pull you down into the current? Are you able to persevere when others abandon?  When friend and family turn on you, do you know in your heart of hearts the power of a Father who states "I will never leave you or forsake you"?

There is a continual call for intimacy laden throughout His Word. God yearns for us to enter into deep relationship with Him; the kind where moment by moment we are in touch with His thoughts and person.

"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NLT

"Never stop praying."  Prayer; the simple act of communication. "But how can I seriously continually talk to God;  continually be in contact with someone I cannot see?" In a society where phones and mobile devices are set to chime with every social network update from friends and family, is continual communication such a difficult concept to grasp?  Do we stumble over the mental roadblock of formulating just how we could possibly spend the entirety of our day in fellowship with the One who is far more interested in us than any one person on our "friends" list and who knows us far more intimately than any family member or spouse. 

"At that time you will ask (pray) in My Name; and I am not saying that I will ask the Father on your behalf, for it will be unnecessary.  For the Father Himself tenderly loves you because you have loved Me and have believed that I came out from the Father."
John 16:26-27  AMP

His wish is that we would desire to step beyond knowing about Him and come to know Him, personally, with similar passion.  But our careless and nonchalant irreverence towards this greatest eternal love affair is often what keeps us from witnessing the miraculous and truly wonderful in our own lives.  It has always been His goal that we become so energized by the life we have in Him that we cease being entangled by the eternally trivial that weighs down most who walk this plane.  This does not mean storms do not arise or that need is never present.

"The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance to the full, till it overflows."
John 10:10 AMP

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."
Matthew 6:33 NLT

This is the relationship that empowers, it is this pursuit of person that energizes and brings life into death transforming worlds and spheres of influence.  This is the beacon that shatters religion and makes a mockery of man's institutions of ritual. It is the force that draws men to Him; the believer living out the love and life of Christ, literally Christ in us, for the world to see. When others witness hell erupting and God's life pouring forth from you, the paradox fascinates, draws, inspires and tugs at the hearts and minds of a world desperately searching for substance. All too familiar are the gods of self-appeasement and ritual that change little in the human condition.  But in witnessing God in action through His children's lives, they will know that you do not serve a dead, but a very real, living, and powerful God.

Gethsemane

"Gethsemane".  The very name brings images of darkness, struggle, the spilling of blood, and betrayal.  Ponder for a minute why this simple garden geography has taken its place in history as sacred ground still venerated by the masses.  No temples or monuments of note were present.  Was it because of the One who walked there in the hours before His death?  He walked many places, partook of a passover meal, healed the sick - all in the hours/days before His death.  Of all the geographies visited and footsteps taken in the dust over the span of a brief number of years, what causes this grove to possess such weight in our thinking?

The power of Gethsemane is not in who visited, but in what was tested.  Faith was tested.  Will was tested.  Trust was tested.  "How could these be tested of the Son of God?  Certainly He would never lose faith in His father"  Have you ever lost faith in your Heavenly Father?  Doubted direction or consequence of obedience?  Have you ever lost trust in the One who is immutable, having placed your eyes on the imposing nature the mountains in your path?

"So it is evident that it was essential that He be made like His brethren in every respect, in order that He might become a merciful, sympathetic, and faithful High Priest in the things related to God, to make atonement and propitiation for the people’s sins.  For because He Himself, in His humanity, has suffered in being tempted, tested, and tried, He is able immediately to run to the cry of, assist, relieve those who are being tempted and tested and tried and who therefore are being exposed to suffering."
Hebrews 2:17-18  AMP

In this, we know that Jesus did not approach this garden as a super-human, demigod empowered to withstand through the sheer force of identity.  A man walked into that grove, asking close friends to wait and pray as he stepped further into the night.  In that darkness obedience was buffeted, fear descended, and the overwhelming weight of physical and emotional torment yet to be suffered crashed down.  A knowledge of hell on earth was present as every sensible option screamed "WALK AWAY - YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS!  THERE HAS TO BE ANOTHER WAY!"  A pounding heart, tears burning eyes, a body tormented to the point of blood droplets forming.  Would a loving Father truly ask His child to step into darkness?

Surrender.  "Not my will..."

Surrender.  This is the Father's desire for each of us.  Complete, total, surrender.  But what if His leading turns downward into darkness.  What if the One calling for complete trust leads us into, what to any sensible mind, could only result in pain, loss, or sacrifice.  Are we willing to trust Him with our eternal lives?  Are we willing to trust that the Omniscient One knows a far greater eternal outcome than our personal comfort or safety can secure?  Will we step into darkness when we cannot know the end or the sum total of the risks; step forward simply because it is He who asks?  Or like the would-be-disciple in Luke 9:61, do we cautiously place our commitment?  "I will follow, but...."

What is being asked may seem impossible, improbable, and unlikely to turn out well.  The storm you find yourself in may cause you to daily cling ever more tightly to Him and His word.  Friends and family may abandon as they fail to understand your path, fail to share your conviction.  There may be days were each breath is an act of faith and every step forward is born of willful determination in the valley through which you tread.  Will you surrender to His will to continue or will you opt for a less painful relationship - one born out of lines in the sand to remain uncrossed and hidden portions of your heart to remain untouched?  He loves you regardless and salvation is already achieved by faith in His Son.  But will you surrender and let Him lead you to your greatest potential and impact on a sinful and dying race?

"Not my will..."  Like Him, the key to your Gethsemane is surrender.

Building Sand Castles

Mid-life, middle of the road.  Nothing exceptional on the surface, from my perspective.  That is my self-portrayal.  This is not a statement of disappointment or of defeat.  I have accolades.  I have achievements.  I have certifications, awards and even pins marking appreciation of service.  I can point to policies, both local and even on the state level that have been impacted by work I have been involved with.  I can point to facilities and claim "I helped build that".  All of these, however, are of temporal value, forgotten with a few brief years passage and all are subject to be replaced, undone, or destroyed.

I am familiar with many who, starting midlife like I am, are chasing this "American Dream" in whatever translation modern vernacular has modified it.  It may simply be not to be working well into their 60s or 70s.  It may be to get that bigger boat.  It may be just to get out of debt to buy a home while rates are down.  It may be to push the kids out the door as soon as possible so that the real party can begin...

Every bit of news regarding pensions adjustments, a change in benefits, interest rates and the like stirs a frenzy of concerned conversations among co-workers. Should a 401K be looked at?  What about a 457b plan?  Maybe there's a better life insurance policy out there.  AFLAC?  Personally, I need more wisdom in areas of financial planning.  But the overwhelming worry and concern that regularly boils to the surface always takes me aback.  What happened to Carpe Dieme - seizing all of the day, or as a certain Galilean Carpenter once put it

"...don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes".
Matthew 6:34 MSG

But this is not typically how we handle our lives.  "Protect at all costs" is our motto.  Protect your lifestyle, your comforts, your finances, your future.  In this we tightly hold onto those things we deem necessary for the ideal that we have formulated of a "good" and "enjoyable" life.  Continually we strive to maintain firm footing while planning for modest expansion or improvement.  We look at others and believe their utopia could be our utopia.  Their paradise should be the model for ours, no matter how distorted, dysfunctional or dishonorable the backdrop of their personalities, their family welfare or their moral compasses.  We pour our efforts, our energies, and our lives into building personal promised-lands.  The great folly in this is the failure to note that we are all perched on the seashores of eternity and all of our works, our efforts, our aspirations and labors are subject to a continual state of erosion by the ebb and flow of the tides of time. 

But there is One who lives beyond time.  His ways are timeless and the following of His precepts yield rewards of eternal, and indestructible priceless-ness.  Very often these benefits of lasting value are not readily accepted or embraced this side of the seashore.  We crave the short term glorification, the "smell of the new", the physical gratification to the senses, all the while denying the call to live deeper, better, more significantly.   C.S. Lewis once put it this way:

"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by an offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." - The Weight of Glory

"...too easily pleased..."
By new homes
By bigger accounts
By better vacations
By better vehicles
By being in the "right" circles of influence and friends

All while ignoring the eternal, the truly significant. 

I was recently saddened by an individual who claimed to have heard God's will for my life (Danger Will Robinson).  In their honest and loving admonition, they warned that in pursuing adoption and foster-care, in pursuing the orphan and the fatherless, I had robbed my family of blessings and security, of well-being and a future and that if I continued down this path, I was turning a deaf ear to God's will for my life and losing out on God's blessings.  They claimed, as evidence, the difficulties and hardships our family has faced in the adoption and raising of one child from a trauma and abuse background and the difficulties and challenges we currently are facing in parenting two additional young foster-children from abuse and trauma backgrounds - the outbursts, the tantrums, the nightmares, the therapy appointments, the long talks into the night and the tears.

Frankly, this shocked and hurt my bride and I.  Anger quickly rose within each of us as we read and re-read this letter of concern.  A host of responses and justifications formulated in our minds as we prepared to answer, what we viewed as an attack.  But something else arose that overcame that anger.  Peace.  Knowledge.  Wisdom.  The remembered Word and the promises contained within.  James 1:27 instinctively poured forth. Other Scriptures immediately came to mind.

"And whoever receives and accepts and welcomes one little child like this for My sake and in My name receives and accepts and welcomes Me."
Matthew 18:5

“Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.’ "
Matthew 25:40

"Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed."
Psalms 82:3

"Learn to do right; seek justice.  Defend the oppressed.  Take up the cause of the fatherless;  plead the case of the widow."
Isaiah 1:17

We were both brought to peace as we were reassured that we were, in fact, exactly in the center of our Father's will.  The evidence was in the blessings that have been blossoming around us in provision, deeper friendships, and the strengthening of character and relationships through trial.  Our marriage is strengthened and our resolve has been forged anew to pursue the calling that we know to be certain - to lay aside our lives and take up our cross and follow our Savior, no matter what that looks like, no matter if others understand or approve of it.  Will the enemy of our souls throw obstacles, attacks and challenges at us as we endeavor to pursue our Savior whole-heartedly?  Will he sit back idly as any believer seeks to follow Christs' admonition to live this eternal life to the fullest? 

The tribulation and trial that others claim as evidence of poor planning, bad choices, foolish thinking - these were all promised.  Jesus stated that we would encounter resistance, difficulties and challenges when we seek to follow after Him, even that others would think us foolish.  We would even confront Hell as the Living Word within us touches this sin-laden plane to bring life and forever alter souls.  Engaging in this course is costly - it will cost all of you.  It is selling everything you have to get that one field with secret priceless treasure buried in it (Matthew 13:44). 

This is building into the eternal, investing into those things that will outlast the tides of time as they lick at the sandcastles of others.  We are all admonished to pursue this way of life.  The comforts, technologies, and conveniences of our society and our times are a good thing and should be enjoyed, but should never be worshipped and sought above the effort and the cost of investing in lives, for these former things will pass away, but the eternal worth of the soul and the effort we place towards pursuing our Creator and extending Christ's selfless love to the human being will stand forever.  Anything other is simply building castles in the sand....